The 7-Step Formula for a Successful Beginning-of-the-Season Parents Meeting
Just as you need to get buy-in from your players, you must get buy-in from their parents as well.
If you cannot explain, justify and stand by your decisions about playing time or positions, it is time to reexamine your own reasoning. And if you feel threatened by someone else’s emotions about your decisions, talk to a therapist about where that comes from.
When treated with respect and given clear expectations, parents become a huge asset and an irreplaceably passionate cheering section.
“You ‘handle’ farm animals. You work with people. I am a person. I can work with anyone.”
– Wilt Chamberlain
Why Have a Parents Meeting?
You owe the players’ parents a face-to-face meeting at the beginning of the season.
You are asking these people to trust you with their children. You owe it to them to meet them, in person, and show why you deserve this trust.
Another benefit of a Parents Meeting is that if you can get the respect of the parents, it makes it much easier to get the respect of the players.
Depending on your age and experience as a coach, it may seem intimidating to meet with the parents of your team. Understand that the parents will also be nervous – they will be worried about the other parents judging them, they will be worried about you judging them. Understand this and take the emotional-lead, putting yourself and everyone else at ease.
Clarify Their Role
Just as you verbalize goals and expectations for your players at the beginning of the season, create a list of expectations for parents as well. Educate, involve them, be clear about their roles, and they will greatly benefit the team:
- Teach them how to be good volleyball parents
- Give them public praise to reinforce their behavior
- Give them resources to understand the game better
- Teach them specific phrases they can use while cheering
How to Set Up a Parent Meeting
Players should be at the meeting, either sitting with their parents or with their team.
In an ideal environment, everyone is sitting at a round table. This is to emphasis that it should not be a lecture environment (like a classroom), but a conversation. We are all working together to help these young people develop into confident, self-assured young adults.
Depending on how fast you talk, this meeting should take about 45 minutes.
The seven steps for a successful parents meeting are:
- Personal Introduction
- Professional Introduction
- Coaching Philosophy
- Parent Expectations
- Parent Introductions
- Team Information
- Generational Gap Things
1) Personal Introduction
Be welcoming.
Start with your name, age, and a little about yourself. Be open and authentic. Meet them as a human being.
“Welcome everyone to our parents meeting! Thank you all for being here today. My name is Coach Pat and I am [team]’s head coach this season. After seeing our players’ level of talent at tryouts this year, I am very excited to be coaching this team.”
2) Professional Introduction
Let them get to know you as a person.
- What is your experience with the sport?
- How long have you been coaching?
- Is coaching your only job?
“I’ve played volleyball my whole life, it runs in my family (one of my aunts is actually in the Brown Volleyball Hall of Fame), and I’ve been coaching for the last nine years. For my day job, I build websites for Boston Children’s Hospital, and have also started a side project for helping new volleyball coaches.”
3) Coaching Philosophy
Hopefully you have taken some time to reflect on your coaching philosophy (or at least have a few coaching principles that you’d like to try out). Give the parents an overview of what to expect from your teachings this year:
- Why are you coaching this team?
- What do you want to get out of this year?
- What do you want to teach the players?
- How will you teach them?
“I have many coaching principles that I have developed over the years, but a few I want to share with you today are:
1) Coach the whole person. Always remember that it is just volleyball. They will learn how to confidently perform all the skills, but sports and competition are a vehicle for learning deeper life lessons.
2) Make it emotionally-safe. All of the best teams share this one trait. Everyone feels accepted for who they are and they won’t be rejected. It is important that players feel like they belong. Humans have poor memories, so we must continuously send them signals that they are safe.
3) No favorites. It is my job to love all my players equally and treat them fairly. Playing time, coaching feedback, etc. is not dictated by if I like you personally. Players (and parents) are allowed to feel and say whatever they would like toward me and it will not affect our relationships or the players’ playing time.
4) Parent Expectations
Just as you establish a set of values, goals and expectations with your players, verbalize what expectations you have for the parents for the upcoming season. Clarify there role as much as possible.
“One of the pillars of our team culture is “you don’t have to like everyone, but you must respect everyone and yourself.” I ask that you follow this rule. We are models for the players, so model the behavior and interactions you want your kids to repeat.
I emphasize open communication. Please speak to me directly about any worries or concerns. I will make mistakes and be wrong. But I will always have a reason for why I do things, and be open about my reasoning with you.”
5) Parent Introductions
Ask the parents to introduce themselves and their child to the group.
This is asking the parents to be vulnerable in a group setting. Parents will be nervous. Have positive body language and eye contact (modeling the behaviors you want to instill in your players) to start creating a team-culture of emotional safety.
Be sure to thank them for sharing.
6) Team Information
Now that an emotional connection has been established, go over the logistics and general information that the parents will need to know for the upcoming season:
- Practice times and locations
- Tournaments
- Hotels
- Allergies
- Group chat
- Parent chaperones
- Playing time
- Team expectations
- Gear – shoes, kneepads, etc.
7) Generational Gap
*Before this step, players should be asked to leave
**Plan for the players to have something else to do at this time
There should be things we talk about as adults that we don’t talk about in front of the younger generation.
Not secrets, but it is our responsibility as the adult to take care of the children. Now is the time to talk about:
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- Program cost/financial expectations
- Divorced/separated parents
- Any other sensitive topics
“If you have any questions about payments or finances, please talk to my club director. I stay out of the finances as much as possible and stay focused on the coaching.”